A Merciful View
For the past couple weeks now God has been slowly pressing into me the idea of being transformed spiritually by changing the way I think. I had the desire for awhile for my mind to be made new, but I had no idea how God was going to go about it. I mean how on earth do you just up and change the way you think? These mental struggles are some of the hardest for me. Honestly, only God can conquer these mental struggles.
This all started when I first read Romans 12:1-2. It says "Therefore, I urge you brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God- this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."
In reading this the Holy Spirit convicted me about renewing my mind. At first I wanted to brush the conviction off because I didn't see any area of my mind that was blatantly despicable to God. I had previously been allowing him to do some clean up work in this area but obviously he wasn't quite done.
For weeks I either tried to ignore the conviction or half-heartedly figure out what God wanted me to see. It wasn't until Tuesday at Survive that God offered a smidge of insight as I read through Romans 12:1-2 again. Five little words that I usually breeze right past came jumping off the page screaming at me: "In view of God's mercy."
Initially my shock came from the mere fact that I had never paid attention to this phrase before. I didn't grasp what God was saying to me but I wanted to, I wanted to get it! It wasn't until two days later that I was able to live and breathe what God wanted me to grasp.
Thursday night at worship I couldn't help but fall face down before Christ and let my tears wash his feet. It overwhelmed me that I am completely unworthy of God and the way this sweet King treasures me. I don't deserve his love but he gives it to me anyway. Then it hit me, those five words (IN VIEW OF GOD'S MERCY) came flooding back to my mind - which he was beginning to renew!
When I go to the foot of the cross to present myself as a living and holy sacrifice to God I have to go with God's mercy at the forefront of my mind. All too often I try to present my life as a sacrifice only to walk away feeling condemned. My past, or present, mistakes come to mind. I end up condemning myself for the way I've broken God's heart with my adulterous sins. My past haunts me.
However, as always with God, there is hope. I'm learning that when I present myself to God the last thing he wants is for me to dwell on my flaws. Instead he wants me to go IN VIEW OF GOD'S MERCY! The focus of my life as a sacrifice isn't about my wounds or sins, praise God. The focus should be on the hope God gives me through his mercy. By His grace and mercy I am saved; I am seen as holy and pleasing. In that I will rejoice!
The Power of Pouring Out
The other night I had the opportunity to share with a group of eighth grade girls my experience in high school. I didn't really know where to even begin or what to even say to them. Do you share with a group of wide eyed girls all the highlights of high school or all the wretched disappointments because I have quite a collection of both to choose from? I wanted to be able to do the first so they could have a peace about starting something new and love it but it somehow felt like that might create a false reality. However, if I did the latter I might dash all their hopes and dreams because that might leave them dreading it even more than they already are. I decided the best bet was just to sit down and be honest with them. I shared how great God was at surrounding me with a group of unbelievable friends that I'm still close to today; these are the ones who held me accountable in an inadvertent way that I could never repay them for. Then I also got into the nitty-gritty of my HS experience. I have to say it was great to be able to share with them all the horror I went through with my dance team and yet I came out of it a stronger person. I left not knowing if anything I said made any impact on just one girl but I knew it was refreshing for me to share with someone else what God did in my life. I needed it even if they didn't. There was a peace in my heart when I drove away that allowed me to truly worship God like I haven't for a long time. There wasn't even any music on as I drove or noise for me to mindlessly sing along to; it was just me and God and a peace that I had poured out so that he could fill me back up.
Posted on Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Young & Unexpected
The Olympics have been on the past couple of weeks and Ive been obsessed with watching them. Never before do I remember being glued to my TV just to watch this major event but for some reason I cant stop. I think its because this year nothing is panning out the way people expected it to. Some of the top athletes and crowd favorites, like Michelle Kwan, Bode Miller, or Apolo Anton Ohno, are getting injured, disqualified, and buried in the middle of the pack left and right. The result: the doors are wide open for anyone to walk away with a medal.
One of my favorite unexpected scenarios was in the combined alpine skiing event. There were some top athletes competing and crowd favorites like USA's Bode Miller. The commentators kept talking about him and projected he would walk away with the gold, or at least one of the medals. They kept banking on him and a couple other stars to be on the podium. Bode started with a good run putting him in first. What happens next throws everything out of sync. Bode Miller makes a minor error by straddling one of the gates on the way down the slope leaving him disqualified. Another minor mishap came in the last run of the slalom part where the Austrian favorite didnt even finish the race. The youngest member of the US ski team, a twenty one year old from Utah that nobody really knew by the name of Ted Ligety, had skied right before the Austrian. He was in a hopeless 32nd place in the downhill part of the combined but then was at the top for both slalom runs. He ended up taking the gold in his debut at the Olympics. It had never crossed anybody's mind that he, of all the people, would be standing with the gold around his neck and these older more experienced skiers wouldnt even be on the podium.
I love this because its a fresh reminder to me that yeah I may be young and nobody may expect me to do much but that means diddly squat. In 1 Timothy 4:12, 15 it says "Do not let anyone think less of you because you are young. Throw yourself into your tasks so that everyone will see your progress." Ted Ligety may have been one of the youngest and least experienced guys out there but that didnt stop him. Instead he threw himself completely into the race and people saw his undeniable progress on the Olympic stage. I think thats what we have to do. We have got to throw ourselves into whatever we are doing, using the gifts weve been given, wherever we are and just go. I know its easy to feel like you dont know what your doing or talking about because your young or inexperienced but sometimes, ok a lot of the times, God uses whoever is willing to work hard and persevere in the their spiritual training. Its a vulnerable place to be. Just like the New Living Translation says "everyone will see your progress" which means they will probably see you fall as well. Its a risky thing to throw yourself out there even when you feel inept but life takes risk and thats what God calls us to.
Posted on Monday, February 27, 2006
PRIDE
I've finally stolen a few minutes away from everything else to share some thoughts. I really don't even know what to begin with because I've got so many questions and things just flying through my mind. So much of what's flying through my head and what God is laying on my heart is tied to one word, PRIDE. It's a scary word I know. How on earth do I handle it not only in myself but in other people too? How do I keep it from building up a bitterness in my heart that I so desperately want to keep pure for God? I'm beginning to see why God despises this quality so much but how on earth do I deal with it? So many questions that only God can reveal the truth to in time.
Just one other more quirky thought I'll leave you with. I discovered on Sunday the perfect thing to watch on TV while doing homework. You'll never guess what it is so I'll go ahead and tell you...the sport of CURLING! Who would have thought? It's just enough action for me to get into during brief breaks between reading pages and yet subdued enough to allow me to work. They call it "Chess on Ice" and I can't stop watching it in the afternoons while doing homework. I'm really gonna miss it when the Olympics are over. How on earth will I ever get any work done without the soft lullaby of the sounds of curling going on in the background?
I heard this quote today from a girl in my class and I loved it so I'll share it with you.
"What God brings you to, God will bring you through"
Expedition
I didn't really know what to expect over this past weekend with expedition and everything surrounding it but it was definately a humbling experience to say the least. I think this weekend the thing I loved the most was meeting some people that just seemed so humble and genuine. I haven't experienced that in awhile and it felt so refreshing. They were just those people who you don't feel the need to keep the conversation going at all times and silence or awkwardness was oddly enough perfectly natural. For just a brief moment I didn't feel like I had to be entertained or witty or charming just me. It was a time to simply sit back and ahhhhhh, I could relax with someone I hardly knew. With every question asked or comment made I felt like they truly wanted to hear about what they asked me. It seems to me that with people this humble and genuine it's easier to go deeper with them because you trust them a little more. I want to be like that, humble and genuine.
Posted on Sunday, February 12, 2006
